I am Lars Vargas

Category: Lars Vargas

Information about me. Yaaay me!

  • Still alive

    I hope I’ll get a little time to write some more stuff soon.

  • I am officially old.

    There were things I did in my younger, crazier years that would probably kill me if I attempted them now. And if they didn’t kill me, I’d probably want to be dead. It’s no secret that I like my spicy food really hot, usually as hot as or hotter than a restaurant can make it. I also haven’t had a cigar in about seven years. So why not combine them? (more…)

  • Lucky me! A job offer.

    The world must know about me now. I’m getting job offers from companies I haven’t even sent an application. Heck, I’m not even looking for a job, being rather happy with my current employment circumstances.

    But when I woke up this morning, look what was waiting for me in my email box: (more…)

  • Read first. Apply second.

    The lovely Mrs. Vargas called me yesterday and suggested that we go out for a sushi dinner. I liked the idea. I like sushi.

    Since I work at home, my attire can sometimes be politely described as “casual” and other times, um, well, I wouldn’t want to be in public or under the scrutiny of Glamour’s eye. But I had actually gotten up early, showered, shampooed, and was dressed for public activities in shorts and a nice Hawaiian shirt. (more…)

  • This is NOT the Party to Whom You’re Speaking!

    OK, Las Vegas … what gives? Since we moved here, we have received more wrong number calls in three months than we did in a decade anywhere else.

    Apparently we got the phone number that people named Vince and Gayle [Last Name] used to have. How do we know this? They get more phone calls than we do, and the callers ask for them by name. I guess they left town, and apparently when they left town, they did it in the middle of the night. The people calling for Vince and Gayle do not sound like happy folks wanting to talk to contest winners, nor do they sound like concerned relatives. They sound like professional collection agents, taking stern tones with anyone who answers. (more…)

  • Feeling Testy? Try Doing What I Did

    If you are a member of my family (this means you, Special K) you might want to stop reading right now. This is the follow-up story to Analyze this: a test you can’t study for. If you continue reading, you have been warned.

    If you read the story linked above, you know I had some fertility testing done a while back. And as revealed in that story, my output wasn’t the greatest. Not only was the sperm volume very low (duh!) so was the count (duh again!). This double whammy of having not only too few swimmers but a shallow pool necessitated a trip to a specialist to make sure that my plumbing was capable of proper baby-producing output.

    Seeing the specialist is no problem at all. I’ve seen enough doctors over the years to not make much of a deal of it any more. Some of the tests, however, are troublesome. I had to go for a testicular ultrasound. (more…)

  • Confessions of a Newly-Minted Starbucks Decaf Regular

    Coffee is one of those things that has always perplexed me. I remember trying it as a kid, the bitterness was unpleasant and it burned my tongue. Why would anyone drink that stuff when there is soda in the world? I’d rather have a Coke. At least that’s how I grew up.

    I pretty much avoided coffee in my youth. I avoided coffee in my 20’s and most of my 30’s as well. I did learn to appreciate the aroma of fresh-brewed coffee, but never quite got around to enjoying the flavor. Even as an ingredient, that coffee flavor would jump right out at me and take over whatever I contained it. Tiramisu was right out. Anything mocha was politely refused entry to my plate.

    So no fan of coffee, I would nonetheless have an occasional chance to stop in a place like Starbucks. If I want a hot beverage, which is rare, I go with tea. If I am at a Starbucks and want a hot beverage, which is even rarer, I also have tea. I like tea. Pretty much any flavor is fine. Regular, herbal, etc., although I try to avoid caffeine, so it’s usually decaf or herbal tea.

    Yet the siren call of coffee keeps me curious. I stare at the Starbucks menu and wonder what riches may lie beneath the carefully encoded words.

    Frankly, the menu at Starbucks perplexes both me and my wife. We go in and watch the customers who know what they want bark off 20-word orders: “Venti double cappuccino with an extra shot, room for cream, and …” my eyes are glazing over. (more…)

  • Whirlpool Customer Service: A Basket Case

    Our new home in Las Vegas came with new appliances. The builder made a big deal out of only supplying Whirlpool appliances. Whirlpool is a name I have always associated with quality, and the appliances in our home attest to that. We are happy with them except for one detail.

    The dishwasher’s silverware basket is simply too small. There are only two compartments to hold dirty silverware, and they only hold about one-half what they should. In fact, they are about one-half the size of any other dishwasher silverware baskets I have ever seen.

    I don’t think that Mrs. Vargas and I are use inordinate amounts of silverware. The plate to fork ratio is roughly 1:1, as is the bowl to spoon ratio. In fact, sometimes it’s two plates to one fork. (more…)