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Wanna sell me something? Think carefully about how you do it…

ARRGH! An insistent little person just rang my doorbell trying to get me to use her carpet cleaning service. Um … no … I don’t think so. I told her nicely that there is no solicitation in this neighborhood and she should probably leave. Now.

In case her boss reads this site, here goes:

Dear Companies of the World:

If you want to make sure that I will NEVER do business with you, please send someone to my door while I’m working, or at any other point, really. Whether it’s carpet cleaning, security systems, or some wonderful new product, if you send someone to my door to get my money, you’ve lost ANY chance you’ll ever have of getting my business. There should be a Do Not Knock list that companies are forced to respect under penalty of law (and not that lame mattress label law that nobody enforces).

Speaking of which, if you call me without me asking you to, you’ve not only lost that opportunity, but you’re going to get reported to the FTC for violating the Do Not Call list. Yes, I’m really on it, and yes, O really do report every call I get.

I know that charities are allowed to call, but they shouldn’t be. For the most part, though, cahrities are pretty good about it. Oddly enough, the fake charities are the worst, especially the “firemen” and “police officers” who call asking for donations. Do people really fall for that? My taxes should be enough without having public servants begging for handouts. Oh that’s right, they’re not really cops or firemen. They are employees of a private company disguised as a non-profit agency in a boiler room perpetuating a fraud. Sure, some money might make it to the real agency, but 10% doesn’t really seem fair to me. Taking 90% for “administrative fees” is abusive. It should be criminal.

In other words, Companies of the World, leave me alone unless I ask. I don’t mind passive ads, like those on TV and radio, or in magazines and newspapers. I can skip over them, switch channels, etc. I’m more or less in control. But to intrude on my personal life and home by coming to the door or calling me on the phone is the real-life equivalent of spamming my email box. That’s right, you’re no better than those spamming jerks who cost ISPs and IT departments billions of dollars yearly. You’re actually dumber than the spammers, since you’re probably spending real money having your minions call me or sending people out to harass the world.

You may be wondering, if I don’t want your terrific phone calls and perky young sales reps accosting my home at random times, how do I find out about wonderful products? Well, I can use the phone book to call around once I’m interested or this wonderful tool called the Internet. I can research your company and industry, finding out all sorts of information, much of it without the taint of marketing spin.

So I implore you to kindly leave me alone. The world would be much nicer that way. See how nicely that works? When I’m ready, I get the info I need and act on it. And you have saved yourselves the effort of employing people to bug me. Bonus factor: you haven’t wasted my time and irritated me into never using your product, so I might just buy it.

Just thought you should know.

A Consumer

Published Wed 6/20/07 at 10:05am

Categorized in Journal, Miscellaneous

2 Responses to Wanna sell me something? Think carefully about how you do it…

  1. The (former) Genius said on Tue 7/17/07 at 7:24pm

    Hi Lars!

    Welcome back to the good ole’ Blogosphere, you’ve been gone too long. Thanks for the advice, now I know if I have some product to peddle not to just show up on your door step. um yeah I’m too tired atm to write something funny, so to everyone out there insert witty sarcastic comment here:

  2. LarsVargas said on Wed 8/8/07 at 7:59am

    Nobody else is inserting witty comments. I just checked and was lucky to find yours among the 300 or so stupid spam messages that had built up. UGH!

    Either way, it’s nice to find a tiny bit of time to write now and then.

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