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Drinking Scotch Can Save Your Marriage

I was recently reminded of a party I attended last year. Some friends had invited Mrs. Vargas and I to their home, along with several of their other friends and neighbors. It was a typical holiday party with plenty of good stuff to eat and drink. The partygoers were all decked out in festive attire and a good mood prevailed throughout.

Mrs. Vargas and I are not the kind of couple who has to cling to each other at a party. We’re free to mingle and talk independently. One of the other partygoers, whom I had never met before, had taken somewhat of an interest in me. She was a neighbor of the hosts and didn’t seem flirtatious when I first met her.

As the evening went on, Ms. Neighbor Flirter had chosen a seat at the bar. And every time I went to freshen up my scotch, she was there, ready to chat, flirt, and carry on about the topic du jour.

I’m a good boy. I wear my wedding ring with pride. I do not try to hide the fact that I am happily married, although I do flirt. It’s innocent, and Mrs. Vargas tolerates it. The one rule I have is to stop when it goes to far or I get uncomfortable, which is rare. This was a rare event. Ms. Neighbor Flirter was getting friendlier and friendlier. Far friendlier than necessary for a casual party.

As the discomfort set in, I decided it was time to cut off my end of the harmless flirting, lest it turn harmful or appear more than it was. Rather than talking about me (my favorite subject) I went out of my way to talk with Mrs. Neighbor Flirter about my wife, how very married I was, and how happy I was (and still am) to be married.

No help. She kept throwing hints and flirting.

Now normally I would have simply avoided her and called it a night, but she was next to the bar and I was drinking scotch, which was only served at the bar. In fact, it was 12 year old stuff. Good scotch. The kind of scotch worth returning for. Plus I needed a refill every now and then. You know how it goes.

Then it dawned on me. If charm wasn’t working, if playing the wife and happy marriage card wasn’t working, I could offend her. So I told Ms. Neighbor Flirter that I really enjoyed drinking scotch since it was the only 12-year-old I could legally enjoy.

That did the trick. She wouldn’t even make eye contact after that. I love scotch.

Published Sat 12/10/05 at 9:45pm

Categorized in Flashbacks, Food & Drink, Mrs. Vargas

One Response to Drinking Scotch Can Save Your Marriage

  1. lmednick said on Sun 12/11/05 at 6:50pm

    Now that’s funny Mr. Vargas. I wish I would be that lucky. But, the only time that happens, is when I have a girlfriend. 🙁

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